Tired

As I suspected, it only took one week of this new adventure in writing before the forces of laziness conspired against me. And honestly, I’m not surprised. No matter how much of a boost I get from my morning coffee, I always end up pretty tired by the early afternoon. Which is kind of a problem. Because that lack of energy inevitably leads to the laziness that stops the creative process.

Now there are plenty of things I could blame this on. Maybe I have a rare lifelong case of mono. Maybe the very screen I’m using to type this sentence is slowly sucking the life out of me. Or it could be that I’ve always been a night person and the real culprit is just that classic circadian rhythm marching to the beat of a different drum. All I know is being tired is not my idea of a good time.

While we’re on the subject, the last year or so has probably been the most mentally tired I’ve ever been. Again, there are some obvious culprits here. The most obvious one being this Groundhog Day of a pandemic. As much as I love not commuting to work, the sameyness of it all is starting to wear thin.

Then of course there is the sheer chaos that has been the US political landscape this last year. Having what amounts to a cranky child in the highest office in the land during not only the pandemic, but the 2020 election sure didn’t help. While it should be a relief that the adult in the room ultimately won that election, sadly it’s hard to get past the fact that over 40 percent of the population still voted for the child.

Mostly, I think it’s just how hard it is to have a discussion about anything these days. Whether it’s the decision by many on the right to choose blind loyalty to a person over the country or the racial divides within the progressive movement that often causes mostly like-minded people to go after each other, it has become very difficult to engage on the issues without getting very exhausted very quickly.

But if I’m being really honest, I think the thing that has me the most worn-out is the lack of any real destination. The older I get, the less I’m confident in what I’m ultimately heading towards. When I was younger, it always seemed like there was some event to look forward to. As I got older, the destination became about getting the degree that would set me down the path to the “right” career.

It was also about changing public policy to address the many perceived problems that plague society. Whether that was addressing climate change (which even a decade ago was a concern) or changing our tax policy so we can fund grand infrastructure projects like a national rail and a free higher education system. Sadly, those types of “big ideas” seem out of reach in our current political environment (see Donald Trump’s base).

Now though? I guess getting out of debt (thanks student loans) is a worthy goal. Or saving enough money to achieve“financial freedom” is another one. Moving forward in one’s career is year another.

Really, though none of these are particularly exciting. Though, maybe that’s just how life is. We get older and the destinations get less exciting. Or maybe I need to spend some time trying to figure out a destination that feels worthwhile.

Or maybe I’ll just take a nap.